I think I won the penis lottery.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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