just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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