At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
