3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
