rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
