I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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