hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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