He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
