I need help removing her.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
