I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
