You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
