sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
