I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
