Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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