dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
