She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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