Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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