Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
