she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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