apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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