she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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