I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
