We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I see more hoeing in ur future
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
