I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
