So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
