Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
