I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
