'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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