The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
