I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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