Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
