So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize