OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
