The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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