As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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