It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
