Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
