I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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