It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
