What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize