i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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