Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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