you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
