I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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