Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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