I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
