The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Randomize
