"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
