do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
