I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize