i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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