I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize