So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
