i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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