Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I pour the whiskey from now on
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