Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
