i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
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