I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
