just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
