If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
