I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
