My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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