So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
