I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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