i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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