No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
