Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
