The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Randomize
