were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
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