needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just want nice things and good sex
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize